DAMAGED.

“Yunho stopped as he noticed a girl in the crowd holding what appeared to be a gun.  He watched as she smiled wickedly, lifted her arm and aimed for Changmin who stood beside him, like always.  He didn’t even have time to think as his lightning quick reflexes took over and he instinctively leaped for Changmin, knocking him to the floor. Relief flooded Yunho, knowing Changmin was unharmed, and then his world went black.”
Damaged, Prologue

Such is the powerful introduction of Damaged, a fic which I said I would never read since I have seen comments and reactions how dramatic and angsty this fiction is, something akin to Gashiyeon, which I think is something dark. I do not like dark, angsty and over dramatic fictions. I stay away from them as much as possible. With all the real life drama my boys are having right now, I want a fluffy and fun and humourous alternative universe slash escape bubble for them. Or for me.

But here I am now, blogging over a fanfiction, something which I have never done in my whole fangirl life, and it is of something I said I would never read. There must be something to this that made me eat my words and lost sleep for two days reading all fifty chapters of this piece.I succumbed to its charms.

I am not going to make a review because I sucked at that. I am not going to analyze the story either because I sucked at that too. Instead, I would just write down the feelings, thoughts and my favourite parts of the story and maybe, somehow you will know why I love this and why it left such an impact on me. The last fiction got me mindfucked was Miss Sanzo’s Always and Forever. You would think that the setting was in an alternate world, but some awesome twist linked it back to the real world in a mindfucking awesome way.

I love the setting of Damaged. It is much close to reality, the world where Jung Yunho, Kim Jaejung, Shim Changmin, Park Yucheon and Kim Junsu actually lived and moved. The issues they faced are almost reality too, which makes it more dearer to my heart. Though the AU fics are fun, there is something about the bandverse that grasps my sympathy and love and makes me hope that someday, someday, this will come to pass and they will be together again. It is faith strengthening.

I was so touched and yes, I admit that at times I get teary eyed, with the amount of dedication and love of Jaejung towards Yunho. When everyone else gave up on him, Jaejung did not. He defied the odds and went against the strong current of hate and impartiality just to see Yunho. He had faith on the impossible, and his faith was not in vain. Jaejung was such a fighter, and “the strong one”. Many times Yunho turned his love down, but he never gave up. His career took a backseat for a year so that he could just be with an invalid vegetable Yunho, taking care of him. If that is not one great manifestation of love, I dunno what it is called then.

As much as a “martyr” Jaejung is, of course there is his diva moments. I love how he and Kim Heechul  bicker and catfight like divas that they are. I love how his world revolves around Yunho but somehow he still managed to have things done his way, though the means are somewhat … odd. He can be so giving yet selfish at the same time. Weak, yet strong. His nickname, Flowery Queen, as christened by Heechul is a spot on.

It won’t be a surprise if few of my favourite DAMAGED moments have Shim Changmin in them. Aside from Heechul, he is the one who can spew bitter words at Jaejung without feeling any remorse. Hell, he even punched the beautiful face of Jaejung on live TV. His sense of loyalty to Yunho is too deep and strong he would do anything to protect him, as his anger and hatred towards JYJ. It is kinda understandable, he felt abandoned, the world he lived in crumbled and his beloved Yunho hyung is trapped inside a dead body.

Funny how all that hatred and anger and awkwardness melted down in one bowling game, teaming up with Yucheon against Junsu, and a private dinner of crab courtesy of Yucheon. Beneath the rock hard anger and bitterness is a gentle and loving soul. It broke my heart in a good way when he composed a song for Yunho. And he killed me when he said he’s going to watch the porn film King Harder and the Table of Hoes with Junsu. Hahaha! Oh, Changmin.

I love Yunho. I pity Yunho. I am pissed with Yunho. I laugh at Yunho. I am proud of Yunho. I guess my dam of emotions broke open when it comes to Yunho. He made me laugh with his obsessive hatred of catheters, he made me loved him for his will and determination of going back to his old self. He pissed me off when he kept on turning Jae down yet he still wanted the man to be beside him. I pity him for having to be in between Heechul and Jaejung, or Changmin and Jaejung when they fought. I am pissed at him for having no balls and broke up with Jaejung for his family.

But in the end, my heart burst with so much love and pride for him. I love how despite the troubles they are facing, he held on to the love he has for Jaejung. You just dunno how much it eased my heart, dear author, because I do not think I can take it anymore that after all the drama they have been through, they are going to go through that let-us-separate-ways phase again. At least I know that with all the circus being thrown in, they will be still together in the end. With Jaejung, his “oldest and his dearest.” Awwwww.

Kim Junsu, oh my gawd, how mindfucked I was when I learned that he was fucked by Jaejung, much more when he seduced Jaejung. This is something new to me! In all the fics that I have read, his character is always the goody one, the cute one, the loud one, never ever it is crossed my mind that he would be a seducer, goddamnit Junsu!

Though they don’t have much “airtime” in the story as compared to Jaejung, he played a vital role in the turnabout of Yunho and Jaejung’s relationship. He was the gap, the border, why Yunho can never be with Jaejung anymore except as friends. I am so glad when he took the initiative to go see Yunho, confessed everything to him, reconciled with him. He was there after the accident happened, but he was not as aggressive as Jaejung in confronting Yunho.

In real life and in fiction, though, he is still the butt (pun intended, haha!) of jokes of Yucheon and Changmin. Always the bullied one.

Chunnie, hmmm. My gawd, why I haven’t felt him much in the story? Still he plays the best friend slash soulmate of Kim Jaejung, the co-mastermind of the “ultimate revenge” against Yunho.  In the end, he kept Jaejung in the line when the latter’s mind was troubled and has gone certifiable. I hate it that I don’t have much to say about Chunnie.

Of all the side characters, I love Kim Heechul best. Who would not? Hahaha! His bunny reference to Kyuhyun and Ryeowook is just funny and I love how he tonguelashed Jaejung. Well, I think I always look forward to his and Jaejung’s spewing moments, especially the beauty secret issue. Gawd, Jaejung killed me with his answer, and no, I am in no way writing it anywhere in English because I would be so embarrassed. Only he has the audacity to say it, hahaha!

This fiction is nowhere in perfection, but it does affect me. I love it, and I never regret spending only 2 hours sleep for two days just to finished this. I am jealous of the author, aquariuslover, for making such a beautiful piece.Thank you so much.

No matter what happened, is happening and will happen, TVXQ started as FIVE and will end up as FIVE. This is not the end yet. Hold on to your faith. Miracles do happen everyday.

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4 thoughts on “DAMAGED.

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